Talk:Lonesome Souls (Part1)/@comment-138.89.102.233-20120418005310

You may want to slow things down a bit. I understand you want to get to more interesting plots, but you need to work more on developing the characters. You introduce the "lizard-man" and add him to the team in merely a few lines, and what little we can gather from his description is that he has scales, a tail, and is 7 feet tall. We don't get a sense of his personality or anything like that.

Even if he is a throwaway character, a couple of paragraphs of development would be very helpful to bringing him into the story, even if it is in a limited respect.

Also, I can see you probably are trying to give the reader a sense of Ozan Lavi that he doesn't take shit from anyone, but try to go into that more. Describe more how he is that way. Simply saying he punched the lizard in the face is weak, add description and flavor to it to show he won't put up with it. Also, either explain or add some earlier paragraphs to explain why a 7 foot tall lizard would give up after a single punch to the face. If he was 7 feet tall (which I can assume is taller than Ozan by the way he reacts), then he could have easily not only fought back and won. What makes [cont. >